Anti Bullying Boston

Bullying Prevention in Boston

The Myths About School Bullying And School Bullies

Click on one of the myths to find out more:

  • 1. Bullies only pick on the weak & unpopular etc
  • 2. Bullying is a natural part of childhood
  • 3. If ignored Bullies will go away
  • 4. Bullies aren't really tough
  • 5. Telling parents & teachers about bullying makes it worse
  • If you ignore a bully they will go away

    This is perhaps one of the most common pieces of advice that parents and teachers give to children who are being bullied. To think a bully will get tired of bullying is to fail to understand the reason why children bully in the first place (see our section on what school bullying is and why children bully. To read this click here).

    school bullies in Boston mobbing Bullies don’t change because you ignore them. They are individuals who need to have their view of themselves as individuals worthy of respect and attention confirmed. To ignore them is often to provoke them in to further acts of bullying.

    Bullies need to be controlled and educated and victims need to be shown how to interact with such individuals and how to manage their relationships with such individuals (see our short courses).

    Bullies only pick on the weak and unpopular

    Many parents of bullied children are surprised to find that their child is being bullied and make statements such as, “but he’s so good at sport” and “he’s one of the most popular kids in the school, everyone likes him” etc.

    Boston mobbing Often when we think of bullied children we have a stereotype in our minds of a small, un-sporty child who is not socially confident however victims of bullying and even “Bullycide” (children who commit suicide because of bullying) include school sports captains and pageant queens: the children and teenagers we would think were the last people to suffer at the hands of a bully.

    Bullies project their frustrations on to others and those who they think will let them. Often they will test or be aware of other children who they think they will be able to do this to. Also if their behavior is a result of “high but unstable self esteem” they may well be confused as to why they don’t enjoy sporting success or the admiration of other classmates and turn on those individuals who occupy such positions.

    The only way to help prevent someone becoming a target of bullying is to teach them how to effectively interact socially with these individuals. Children who are susceptible to bullying are those that don’t adopt or understand these social skills. Take a look at our page entitled “who is at risk of being bullied” and you will see the results of some of the research we have done into this. To access this page click here.

    Bulling is a natural part of childhood

    Bullying is neither a natural or necessary part of childhood. The idea that a bit of bullying toughens a child up is a very dangerous one to hold. By the same argument, racism is healthy, sexual harassment is character building and discrimination of any kind is positive as it develops a fighting attitude.

    Bullying increases stress levels and can cause psychological trauma (to read more about the traumatic effects of bullying please click here). These things are not a natural part of childhood as they are not a natural part of adulthood. It is always worth remembering that if an adult is bullied most of the things that would be done to them would be considered illegal and criminal.

    There is a major difference between childhood conflicts, teasing etc and bullying. The former have a positive role to play in a child’s development as they teach children how to resolve differences and disputes and not take themselves too seriously. Bullying is an activity which has only one end: to cause emotional and/or physical pain and discomfort to another. This is not healthy.

    Bullies aren’t really tough

    Bullies do have a serious character flaw, which makes them bully but this doesn’t necessarily mean they are physically or emotionally weak (or not in the sense that most people think). Standing up to a bully is not an easy thing: part of a bully’s character profile is that they demand respect and crave it to a degree where they are willing to fight for it.

    Believing that a bully will just “give up” when a child stands up against them is the same as believing that a mugger with a knife will let you walk away when you tell them they can’t have your wallet.

    cyber bullying in Boston Bullies choose victims that they believe they can dominate and undergo a systematic process where they break down their victim’s belief that they are able, or even have the right to fight back. Telling a child that all they need to do is stand up for themselves assumes a level of confidence and self assurance that the bully has already taken away.

    A large part of our courses are to educate parents and children how to rebuild this confidence so it can act as a foundation for the other social strategies we teach. (click here to read about our courses).

    If you tell someone it will make it worse

    Bullies develop exceptional criminal minds (one of the reasons schools etc need to discover them when they are young): they are skilled at both hiding and excusing their activities and actions. Many children attempt to tell adults and teachers but often do so in a way, where they are trying to both convey the enormity of what is happening to them whilst trying to prevent the bully being punished so that they in turn don’t get punished for telling.

    In the majority of cases a bullied child just wishes for the bullying to stop and often unbelievably to be friends with their tormentor/abuser. One of the things that bullies deny their victims is acceptance as either their friend or in to a particular social group and this is in many cases what a bullied individual wants rather than justice or punishment.

    School Bullying however doesn’t stop of its own accord and in most cases it needs adult intervention. This cannot simply be a teacher or parent telling a child to stop or even punishing them for their actions but instead educating them and making them deal with both who they are as an individual and what they have done. This educational process needs to involve the bullied child and they must be prepared to face the bully in this managed “forum”.

    We can help parents, bullied children and schools set up such forums and educate all parties as to how to deal with the problem of bullying.

    If you are a parent in Boston looking for help with school bullying then please click here

    If you are a school in Boston looking for help with school bullying then please click here